Why Am I Quitting. . . And How Can I Stop?
So you set yourself a goal, and you didn’t stick with it.
That schedule of going to the gym tapered off. Your six A.M. runs lasted a week or two and then stopped. Your meal prep moved over to make room for takeout.
Instead of labeling yourself a quitter (why so judgy?), what would happen if you went back to that goal with curious eyes and investigated what happened? If you let it be the first step in a process, rather than a definitive ending.
The “failure” is not an innate flaw in you as a person (you’re perfect just the way you are). It’s a mismatch between you, the goal at hand, and the circumstances you’re in. A quick review of those things can help you move past the frustration of missing goals and into a process of ongoing growth.
You
What do you value right now? You might think you know the answer, but you might also surprise yourself. If you haven’t done any deliberate reflection on the big stuff in the last year or so, give it a go.
Pre-pandemic, you might have had different priorities than you do now. That’s not good or bad, but it does impact how you’ll feel and behave around goals. So ask yourself: what are your core values? Can you come up with a few words to focus on?
Your goals
Lots of coaches use the SMART goal formula (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely). This works for some goals and some people! But you don’t have to be a perfectionist about it.
Ask yourself some questions: Are your goals meaningful, realistic, and immediate? Are your steps doable, goal-focused, and challenging? Do you need accountability, rewards, or a break? Do your goals align with the core values you identified?
If you find that your goals need a little realignment, go ahead and realign them. Being responsive to what is and isn’t working is a sign of intelligence, not of failure.
Your circumstances
Are the demands on you the same as they were when you first created the goal? Is this goal more appropriate for another time in your life? There are some realities of your life you’ll have to accept. There are others you might be able to shift. Ignoring either won’t serve you.
Look at your daily life– what you must do, what you choose to do, what you want to do. Poke at the borders a little and make sure you’ve got them right. Then work where you are.
Be kind and curious
Goal setting is a powerful tool for progress and improvement– if we use it with kindness. Leave self-judgment behind and adopt a posture of curiosity. Learn about yourself and apply that knowledge to your goal-setting. It’s not a single step; it’s an ongoing process. And that’s where the magic is: in the process.
